Life Rules:

The past 2 weeks have been a complete turn around. I have a job, I am at Uni doing what I actually came for and I've made some new friends and gone and acted my age on some nights out. I've also rekindled friendships I had back in Canada. It seems like I have everything I could have ever wanted.

My hitch now, I have no idea what it, actually, is that I want to do after this year. I have a plan, go to Australia, work a bunch, come back to London and continue my studies. But, I'm not even sure if that is what I want to do anymore. I can say that I have completely enjoyed this year, I would not have changed anything. I learned so much about myself and learned some pretty interesting things in the art and Fashion worlds. Although, now that this year is coming towards a close I can't help but feeling a little lost, maybe even confused. My problem is that I know that what I want, which is to be designing and you don't, really, need a degree. I mean yes it is nice to have, and gets you a little further ahead, but you can get by just fine without it. I know that any education is valuable, but if it's going to set you back, financially, it it really worth it?

Growing up I've always had experiences, camping, moving towns, sports, family outings, living in the suburbs and on acreage, going to Disneyland, travelling for medical reasons. I've cherished every single one of those memories, and I can say I have lived quite a lot and I'm only 19. All my experiences have been with very little money, which brought on the doubt about continuing my studies. I could do it, I know I can, without a degree or a certificate, some of the best people in the business never went to college and have won Oscars. So often I dream about having a fabulous life, there are so many places I want to go and live, but staying in college would deprive me of some of those experiences. I would much rather spend my money on living the life I want, then to spend it on something that's  going to get me just a little further ahead. I've been independent for as long as I can remember and the thought about being attached to something for 3 years, which is a very long time and is going to cost me more, in time and money, is a little frightening. I can remember when I was first learning to fasten my own coat zipper, I smacked my mum's hands away and shouted at her "I can do it!!" From then on I think I subconsciously knew that I can do anything I wanted. Proven by my stubbornness and independence. I've always done my own thing, I moved away form a tiny town in Canada to the big city in England, a 10 hour plane journey. Yes I was homesick, now I feel free and in charge of my own life. Which is probably why I am so lost and confused. I don't have anyone to tell me "Yes this is what you should be doing." I am making my own rules, which is really terrifying to come to terms with. If they taught this in high school, think of how much better off we would be?


I think what I've having the most trouble with, is that I want to do it all. I want to travel, I want to go to school, I want to have a fun filled life, i want to meet amazing people, but I don't want any restrictions. I want to be able to fly the nest, come and go as I please and just live. I don't want to be bogged down by simple things, I want my life to be one of the best stories that a stranger will ever hear. I just need a way that I can do this, I think that is what i am going to spend the next year doing. Coming up with a way that I can support myself and have the freedom to do whatever I fee like.




I don't think this post has made any sense, but we'll go with it. I do feel better, a little. =)