Super Fan? Maybe?

Guys, you should be worried, maybe, you should be a little worried...I've.

I've become one of those fan girls that goes to, like, practically every gig a band has. I went to 2 this week, of the same band. Now, they're REALLY good, like the kind of good that you want to tell everyone. The kind that you want everyone to like them as much as you do. The kind that is so good, you have them on repeat 24/7. The kind, that is just so good you want them to have an EP so that you can buy it and support them, because you're so invested in them.

 Plus, they're easy on the eyes too. ;) *swoons*

In all honesty, if you follow me on twitter or are friends with me on facebook you will know that I am not alone. One of my good friends is right along with me, I think she was on the verge of tears when we left the gig without saying "Hi" to them. Just kidding!...Not really, but sort of. We did meet the lads the first time we saw them, they're lovely. In every form of the word.

This week I really experienced being my age, which was a good change. Usually I act like 69 year old granny who is dealing with the death of her cat. Staying in doors, being completely square and watching kitten videos on YouTube. (I have done this, so, it's actually that bad.)

How many giggled at my supposed age? I am still wayyy too immature to be 69. HA!

Just to keep you up to date with where I am in Uni, I have assessments coming up, a Uni interview, portfolio assessment and a shit load of sketchbook and design work. It is appropriate for me to swear, it's my blog and there is a lot of pressure and stress. 

My only refuge is the band I've been completely fan girling over. Rixton. Here is a link to their YouTube account: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XgXw1Qwff8

They used to be called Relics, so, I did give you the correct account. 

Even though I've, kind of, just became a fan, they're AH-Mazing live. I have proof on my phone, I've seen them twice. So I think that speaks volumes, yeah?

Try this week to do something that is new, something that would seem like it is fun, but you're too chicken to do it. This time actually do it. Nike that business.

Question? Worry? Enjoyment!

Okay, question period.

Lately I've been thinking about my future, what I want from it, what I want to do and how I want to be. I've come up with a few things, the generic; successful, well off, and to be quite frank, very materialistic. That, then got me thinking as to why I was so very focused on having "things." Is it because I didn't have them when I was small, smaller then I am now? Or, is it because that is what society expects of me? Is being happy and not having a lot of "things" make you a lower class of human being?

It really struck a chord with me, but I know what I want to be...

I can't even really write it down, well type it, because I, myself, am questioning whether or not it is truly what I want.

I am not sure if this is because I am still feeling a little lonely, or if it's because of my age and maturity.
I can tell you, that not really "knowing" is my biggest fear. I made a vow a few years ago that I would not let myself give up because of laziness, I would push through whatever is hard to get to exactly what it is that I want. Although, now I am finding that I don't really know what I want. I find, that somehow, I am spending too much time smelling the roses.

All of this stems from the fact that I am applying for  college courses in the next stage in my life and there is not a school that is the best for the field that I want to be in. This all ties together with the need for materialistic things. There is not a school that is a stand above the rest, that it says, written down by a critic, "This school is the best, and you should make every effort to go here." I think that is what causes my feeling of "unknown." I so very want to be a person that achieves my dreams and does things that are exciting and cool.

I am grateful to myself for getting me to where I am, and I am grateful of the people who cheered me on and congratulated me on my achievements. Now though, I don't want to disappoint myself and all who cheered me, because I, lazily, don't know.


I have a materialistic dream to win an award *cough* Oscar/BAFTA *cough* for Costume Design/Interpretation. I know this is the path for me, because it is the most natural, however picking the school that is right for me is causing doubt in myself.

Am I putting too much pressure on myself? Is there an easier way that I don't know of? Or am I just worrying to procrastinate?

All I know, is that once I hear back from schools and finish my interviews I will feel better. It's just a case of getting through.




On a side note, I am acting my age! I am going out with my friends to gigs and doing things that are "fun and fancy free!" I am enjoying the moments I spend with the people who I find are important! Plus I may have "fan-girl'd" over some hot new band that I saw last night and then met later.

OH THE MEMORIES!
 (I love how this blog lets me talk through my mental struggles and come up with ideas and ways to sort out my problems.)

New.. Late..?

My New Year's resolutions is to just be a better version of myself and to dream bigger and better, and so I am going to give you a little insight on how I am going to do this. I am going to start off with writing on my blog and keep all informed with every life decision. Or you could just follow me on Twitter and get stupid annoying updates. (;D) Not kidding, I could keep you up to date on every bowel movement, seriously kidding. I am also going to make the best of my last moments of being a teenager. Get my 'teenage rebellion' in now, while I can still call it "my teenage rebellion..months.." It would make for a pretty sweet album title. I am also going to try, now I say try because I am not too fond of this art and craft, but try, to be more active. Sexually active?! Not a chance, sorry, but I respect myself WAY too much. Now I could easily delete that last line, but I have to have some teenage things that I regret.. question mark?

Another thing I am going to try and do is just be happy. =) I find myself lately just looking at the bad things and getting depressed over them. I know what it stems from and I am going to tell you. It comes from my complete independent, and somewhat immature, quality to feel that I know everything. Knowledge is power, but the right kind of knowledge is even more powerful.
I also want to build stronger friendships, but this year is a transition year for everyone. Some of the people that are in my class will not likely be in my BA course next year. That makes me feel even more alone, because for the past 2 years I have been steadily more and more lonely. Moving away from home has made that a little bit harder and going back for Christmas and then leaving was a little tougher then I thought. Mostly, because I came to the realization that I don't really have a place that I can call "home." That frustrates, irritates and annoys me, I feel like I am in this medium of white/grey. I hate not feeling comfortable in my bed, I hate that I can't figure out a solid routine for the week.



So, because of all these frustrations, I have decided that I am going to get a job, to save for next year as well as give me a little more stability. I also feel, with more things to do, I will get more done. I won't be sitting at home watching movies and TV shows, wasting my time. I am going to be in my twenties soon, I want to start them off really well!!

Thus begins my new year, I know I am, like, 20 days late, but fashionably, after all I do attend the London College of Fashion.



I do promise to update more on this, it will be part of my routine. <3


I also hope I have inspired you reading this, to think of something that you want to accomplish by the end of the week, and do it. I would love it if you would tell me what it is that you want to get done.
It might give me some ideas!