40-43

In the past month I have noticed that my neck is getting smaller and smaller. I thought, "Hmm, that is strange, wait, no it is not. I have been under a lot of pressure and stress." All of it I have created, I own up to that fact. No one person, but myself, put it there.

I recently got a second job, to put a little extra money to my pocket book. By doing so, I have not seen the few friends that I have in at least a week and half. It is pushing 2 weeks with every passing day. Call me over dramatic but my friends are like a little stress reliever, I think that can be said for everyone. Although in all seriousness, last night I had a little melt down, quite literally because it is so hot here. I had a night off before a week of straight working, honestly I will not have a day off until next Monday, maybe.

I start work at 6 in the morning for one job finish at 2 have a nap nad then start  again at 5 or 5:30 and don't usually end working until 8 or 9 at night at the second job. Let me just say that I don't get to sit down for more than 20 minutes, sometimes I don't even sit down at these jobs, they're demanding. Just a little perspective.

Anyway, I called literally everyone I had to call. They were either busy or didn't pick up when I called. I had a 'little' breaking point. I HATE not having friends to do things with. I have been reluctant to make friends now because I will be leaving in such a short space of time. I just don't see the point to give myself and the other person that dissapointment of a failed friendship, or a lost one. I am a social butterfly, and right now I am in a cocoon, not yet flourishing. It's like waiting for Christmas morning, I am sleep deprived and miserable. Yet I know that in 43 days EVERYTHING will change, it will start being what I have imagined. It's just the waiting that is killing me.

I get an idea and want to pursue it, and I want to, well, now.

It is even hard to hear, "Oh you just have to wait a little while longer" or "I am so excited for you!" You know when you hear that for an entire year, everyday, you just want to walk away fingering the person. Seriously, like I haven't heard that already, and you don't think I am excited? It is my life that I have been dreaming about.

I think the point I am trying to convey here, I am getting antsy, and stir crazy. I have worked hard, even helping out my family when they really need me. I have been patiently been waiting ever since I got accepted. I sat by watching all my high school graduates going off to college and doing something with their lives, when  I still live at home constrained to shackles that I put myself in.

I have been sitting very nicely, can I have my treat now? please?!!? *pants *puppy dog eyes

40 days left to save all the money possible
43 days until I can see my neck again.