Life Rules:

The past 2 weeks have been a complete turn around. I have a job, I am at Uni doing what I actually came for and I've made some new friends and gone and acted my age on some nights out. I've also rekindled friendships I had back in Canada. It seems like I have everything I could have ever wanted.

My hitch now, I have no idea what it, actually, is that I want to do after this year. I have a plan, go to Australia, work a bunch, come back to London and continue my studies. But, I'm not even sure if that is what I want to do anymore. I can say that I have completely enjoyed this year, I would not have changed anything. I learned so much about myself and learned some pretty interesting things in the art and Fashion worlds. Although, now that this year is coming towards a close I can't help but feeling a little lost, maybe even confused. My problem is that I know that what I want, which is to be designing and you don't, really, need a degree. I mean yes it is nice to have, and gets you a little further ahead, but you can get by just fine without it. I know that any education is valuable, but if it's going to set you back, financially, it it really worth it?

Growing up I've always had experiences, camping, moving towns, sports, family outings, living in the suburbs and on acreage, going to Disneyland, travelling for medical reasons. I've cherished every single one of those memories, and I can say I have lived quite a lot and I'm only 19. All my experiences have been with very little money, which brought on the doubt about continuing my studies. I could do it, I know I can, without a degree or a certificate, some of the best people in the business never went to college and have won Oscars. So often I dream about having a fabulous life, there are so many places I want to go and live, but staying in college would deprive me of some of those experiences. I would much rather spend my money on living the life I want, then to spend it on something that's  going to get me just a little further ahead. I've been independent for as long as I can remember and the thought about being attached to something for 3 years, which is a very long time and is going to cost me more, in time and money, is a little frightening. I can remember when I was first learning to fasten my own coat zipper, I smacked my mum's hands away and shouted at her "I can do it!!" From then on I think I subconsciously knew that I can do anything I wanted. Proven by my stubbornness and independence. I've always done my own thing, I moved away form a tiny town in Canada to the big city in England, a 10 hour plane journey. Yes I was homesick, now I feel free and in charge of my own life. Which is probably why I am so lost and confused. I don't have anyone to tell me "Yes this is what you should be doing." I am making my own rules, which is really terrifying to come to terms with. If they taught this in high school, think of how much better off we would be?


I think what I've having the most trouble with, is that I want to do it all. I want to travel, I want to go to school, I want to have a fun filled life, i want to meet amazing people, but I don't want any restrictions. I want to be able to fly the nest, come and go as I please and just live. I don't want to be bogged down by simple things, I want my life to be one of the best stories that a stranger will ever hear. I just need a way that I can do this, I think that is what i am going to spend the next year doing. Coming up with a way that I can support myself and have the freedom to do whatever I fee like.




I don't think this post has made any sense, but we'll go with it. I do feel better, a little. =)

My life is lived Selfishly

I live very selfishly and I'm not ashamed of that. I do things everyday with a conscious thought and the benefits it will have to me. I, also like most human beings, want validation. To know that I am interesting and accepted. Because of this selfishness I also want people to like me, to find me interesting and to accept me. Should I really feel like I have to prove to other people that I am worthy of their thought and time? I shouldn't, but I do. It might be because I am a girl and still under the age of adulthood, I hope I never get there to be frank. I selfishly desire to be validated for what I do by my peers, by that, I mean everyone.

And yes, what you are reading is a result of a full day curing a hangover, but still I feel my thoughts are valid and I need them to be validated by something.

-I felt like this year has been is a constant trial.
I feel like I am in the Hunger Games, although if I was I would probably die off in the middle. I have enough self respect to know that I would not be the first to go, but I'm not so cocky as to say I'd win.
-I feel like because of the selfish choices I've made it's validated, for me (a phrase that I now cannot stand, because one of our tutors uses it ALL the time, in a manipulative way) that the school system really does cater to 1 minority. That is a blog post for another time though.
-This year has validated that as much as you may have a plan, you don't. I've changed mine, and will probably change it again.
-This year has let me selfishly choose something or somethings to pursue for the rest of my life, or maybe take a year to think about them.


I am validating my selfishness with this blog post and you are validating my need for validation by reading it. Ah-ha!






Oh, and another thing. Please validate these photos.

Rub it in you face...Just a little.. Sorry

I've been feeling really good lately. It might be the veggies and the diet change, but it is working in my favour. 

This that have been making me feel good:

the amount of energy that I have by taking all the bad things out of my diet.

The clarity of my skin.

The fact that I, now, have a job.

There are very few days left of Uni, and very few days until I get to comeback home. FAMILY TIME.

Snap chat.The amount of doors that are open and possible to walk through in my future.
Dreaming.
Talking to people that I don't normally talk to, and them surprising me.
How my hair is fading after being dyed grey.
I a feeling healthier about my body.
Evan Biddell followed me on Instagram. BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.



I am just, really happy.

Converse With Me

Culture. How exactly do you define something that your brain just 'gets' or understands? How do you know what is culture and what is society? Subconsciously your brain understands the difference, it's just knowledge that is unspoken. 

So, upon having my first Cultural Studies class I didn't really learn anything new, but  culture was explained and defined. The class gave me a grasp and understanding about what my brain already knew, the class just put it all into words, instead of just feelings and vibes.

ugh, I am sorry, I just got incredibly bored of this topic.

I find myself getting bored easily lately. I just get in a funk, and I end up getting frustrated and angry with myself because of it.

Side note, seen the new Catching Fire trailer? Looks AMAZING. 

This post makes no sense whatsoever. I'm not sorry though. It's like we just a normal conversation, but you were mute. That makes me sound like a murder or an evil villain.  I will have to come up with a sweet Kick-Ass kind of name for myself.

Bye, before this post gets any weirder and I can get some food...

Where in the world for a Gap year?

Well, my spring break is almost over, like only 3 more days, oh sad. Then it is back to the grind, all the fun stuff is pretty much over. All we have this semester is a Fashion Show to prepare for and a Cultural Studies class. That's pretty much it.

So, because of this I have decided that it is a necessary need to get  job to keep my sanity and to keep my busy. If Spring break is to show for how I use my time, it's a lot of lazy walks and watching a lot of movies and the occasional drawing. I have spent the last 2 days applying for jobs through my college careers centre. The reason behind this, so I can save money for my Bachelors in Costume Design. I have decided that my best option would be to defer for another year. Just so that I can be really sure this is what I actually want to do, and that I will be able to afford it, and not be saddled with massive amounts of debt.


So, for my gap year I have looked into a few options and the one that seems like the most fun, and will make me the most money, is going to Australia for a year to work. I know, it looks like a tough year ahead right? But seriously, the minimum wage is higher, around $14-$15/hour, in Australia and working holiday visas are not too expensive and if I play my cards right I won't have to pay for accommodation. Plus, I could be working in a hotel or on a ranch or a a fruit picker only working about 30-40 hours a week. Life will be SO hard next year. I am in desperate need o f some sunshine and adventure, I thought the outback would be the perfect way to achieve this. I have my entire life ahead of me and I am going to travel and experience the world when I have the freedom to do so! I have the itch to travel again, I've been feeling it ever since I got back from Norway. The actual possibility of me going to Australia in a couple months is very possible.

So, expect to hear more from me as I will be posting more about my endeavours to get to Australia!!!!